Hidden Gateway Of Tears
by Yamifan2015
Summary: Roxas is becoming suicidal and bottleing all his pain up. He was pretty well hidden...until Sora begins to knowtice it.
1. Chapter 1

Notes=A Sora and Roxas fic. Might be different. Kind of a fic that I wrote awhile back, but is still ok. Hope that you like it. It's all in Roxas' P.O.V

Chapter 1

I looked up at the sky on the small hill on Sora's island. Only Sora and Micky knew about this hill besides me that is so I had a bit of privacy. No one really bothered me that much.

I had ended up moving to the island with the rest of the group. Something that Sora thought was a good idea. I also got my own body, which I was happy about. All the pain though and trauma…no one could change that. No one could make that go away with some magic wand. What to do when you want to die? When everything is against you? Sora is the only person that seems like the only support at times.

Nobodies have no heart apparently, but why does it hurt so much all the time and why do I feel pain when people want them dead? I'm surprised that Sora's friends even like me at times, but they seem ok with me and Kirie actually smiled at me and told me that I was an ok person no matter who I was.

She was like a brunet version of Namine though. Sweet and caring and likes everyone.

All I can think though is what if the darkness in me hurts these guys and what if I lose them like Axel? Just the thought of losing Sora makes me fall into tears.

I love Sora if you're curious. Have for awhile. He is completely clueless and has no idea what I am like. Doesn't know my favorite foods, my favorite color, or anything yet…but he is trying. I can tell. He has been working really hard on getting to know me. Even at school.

I went to this hill to be alone and to just think like I am doing now basically. My mp3 player that Sora gave me as a gift for coming here played Welcome to my life by Simple Plan. As I sat there, being alone and thinking, a hand rested on my shoulder.

" Time to come back home, Roxas. You're starting to make me get worried." Sora told me. Forgot how long I was out here. I got up and stretched.

Sora led me back to the house and we went inside. Since it was a weekend, we were going to have movie night with our friends. We didn't have to worry over homework or school.

Riku had rented a bunch of horror films. He was laughing his ass off when he got a good look at Sora's face. " Roxas, can I sit by you please? I don't do these kind of movies." Sora said, shivering slightly and looking overly pale.

I shrugged and sat on the couch, making room for him to sit by me. He sat down, feeling a bit happy about the situation now that he wasn't shivering alone I guess.

Riku started the first movie and Sora latched onto me, shakeing. He must have issues with horror. " Riku, next time, get a comedy so that Sora is ok with the movies too" I said, nodding at the shakeing lump in my arms.

Eventually, Sora fell asleep in my arms and it was just me and Riku that were awake. Sora fealt so warm against my cheast and I fealt my cheeks get red.

Even with wishing to die and being upset about everything lately, I fealt the urge to always be there for him and hold him close. He was my everything to me.

" Sora always gets afraid over these movies. It got worse after his fights for the worlds due to what he was fighting for." Riku told me. " He was afraid of loss and all the darkness. With how horrible the movies were, the fear increased."

So that was it. " Roxas, you're not the only one who's hurting. You should open up to him. You remember how I had to capture you….right?" Riku told me. Silence. I had forgotten that Riku had gone to the darkness to get me just to save me from the Organization.

Funny too. It was easy to tell Riku everything…..that I cut, how sad I was, just everything! " Roxas, Sora would really like to know. He tries to understand you every day and can see that you're hurting just by looking at you. Do you know how he could tell I was hurt? The look on my face. He most likely can tell with you as well." Riku told me.

I was quite. " He would do a lot for you. " Riku told me. " Try to be more open with him."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

School was a bit slow. Too slow. The teacher was a bitch. I needed to cut again, but I knew that Riku was watching me. So I kept my eyes on my homework constantly. This was going to be one hell of a long day and Sora…..if he really did suspect anything…..would most likely bother me all day.

I sighed when it was Lunch hour. Namine sat by me and drew in her sketch pad. " Made any new friends here yet?" I asked, trying to start a convertsation. " People think that I am the weird girl that just draws in her sketch pad. What a bunch of rude a-holes." Namine muttered.

I chuckled. It was odd, hearing her cuss at times. Namine usually didn't swear much, but she hated how people stared at her for her behavior.

" Demyx might end up here as a new student. I heard that he was your best friend." she told me. " He was. He took care of me when no one else did." I said.

Usually, nobodies were rejected…..even by their superiors and higher ups so Xemnas didn't really care much about me and left me for dead a lot along with a lot of other Organization members, but Demyx took care of me a lot and looked after me. So I hoped that he was ok.

" Does Sora know?" Namine said right off the bat. She had to treat a lot of my self-inflected injuries along with Riku. Only Namine and Riku knew about the cutting which made me happy because they both said that they wouldn't say anything so long as I would be carefull.

" No. He doesn't. I think that he is starting to suspect something though." I said. " Riku told me that he was starting to question my behavior." Namine was quite for a moment. " Shit happens. Just be carefull with what you do." she told me.

After lunch, I had next period with Sora. " Roxas, are you doing ok?" Sora asked. How do you answer someone who is beginning to know you even more.

I sighed. " Is it ok if I don't talk about that for now, Sora. That isn't a topic that I am comfortable with" I told him. He gave me a light smile. " Ok" Sora told me.

We got started on our homework. I was usually good at this class so I got done soon. When I was done, I started homework for another class until the bell rang.

Only one more class until we go home. I sighed and got up and left.

When I got home, Sora was already there. He was putting his book bag away and cleaning the house. I smiled slightly and slipped into the room where I wouldn't bother anyone.

I sat down and set my book bag down and took out my journal. Writeing was another way to vent besides cutting that is. I sighed. Speaking of cutting, I sort of needed that. I went into the bathroom and took out my razor and guided it down my arm.

Blood seeped down my arm as I sighed, feeling calm. Just three cuts and I would be done. Didn't want anyone to worry and have Riku question me or anything. I put the razor in it's secret stash and pulled my sleeves down.

I opened my journal and began to write.

_Dear Journal,_

_Today was hell. Well it could have been worse. I'm happy that I have a lot of classes with Sora. That makes any day ten times better. Really wanted to cut but Riku was watching me like a hawk. He's know me since I left the Organization and had to heal quite a few scars. _

_Sora is starting to suspect a lot of things about me, but I still love him. Love has always come first I guess. _

I sighed and put my journal away so that no one would go messing with it. I went down stairs to help out with making Supper. Sora had a few meals that he needed help with. Might as well start.

As we were cooking, Sora talked about several things. He knew about my favorite food now( fahittias),but had no idea on my favorite color. He asked a few times. " It's blue." I said. It reminded me of his eyes.

But I could never tell him that. " Oh" he said. We finished cooking and ate. As I was doing my homework, I knowticed that Sora had problems in Math.

" I can help you if you want" I said. I was pretty good in math sort of. Not perfect, but I was pretty good. I had tutored Hainer for a week but that was only because Hainer was lazy and Olette begged me to do something about it.

So I ended staying up late helping Sora with math. When we went to bed, all our homework was done with Sora thanking me and I just smiled him. Anything for him really.

He was like my everything…even in this rotten life.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I went to go shower and the pain was just more intense and more real. It hurt more. It just hurt to exist and to be here.

I heard Sora talking on the phone. Must be one of his friends. Oh well. I started the shower and got in. It might as well be my last day on this cursed planet! I heard Sora knock on the door.

" Roxas, what are you doing in there? Riku and I are worried." Sora asked. So that was who he was talking to. I guided my razor this time even deeper than it should go.

A firmer knock this time. " I….I am fine, Sora." I choked out as tears fell from my eyes. Fine my ass! " Yeah right! I'm opening the fucking door, Roxas! You haven't told me shit for weeks." Sora said and opened it.

I could no longer move. I was on the ground, watching my blood blend in with the water, crying weakly and almost unconscious. Tears continued to fall. Did I even deserve tears?

I was pathetic…..a nobody…..nothing. I fealt a warm hand pull me against their cheast. " Don't leave me. Roxas! Don't you dare leave me." Sora said. He was crying.

I attempted to look up and fealt him gently brushing my wild unkempt hair out of my face. " I'm here now if you need me. Ok." he said as I laid in his lap crying.

" Sorry" I murmured, half-awake. " For what?" he asked. " Not saying anything." I fealt soft lips on mine. " I love you too much to stay mad at you, Roxas. You were forgiven when I found you." Sora said. " I just want the ambulence to get here. So keep talking so that I don't worry so much."

It was hard. The talking part. " I love you too, Sora. I have for a long time…..hard to tell you and thought that you would hate me." I said, trying not to fall asleep.

It was easy sort of. The honesty thing when it came to the whole life and death thing. But soon I fell asleep and I heard Sora scream my name.

-Dream-

I woke up to find Axel with white wings. You would think of Axel as some one about to kick your ass for even laying a hand on me, right. Well, he had wings and they were white…like pure white!

I looked down and saw my body strapped in a hospital bed and Sora crying into Riku's shoulder. " I'm the angel of death, Roxas" Axel told me. We stood there quietly. Axel looked upset with me.

" I'm very ashamed with you. Killing yourself. Knew why too. Thought that you would stay and that is why…..you get to choose to have a second chance. I heard that you kept on thinking about Sora several times" Axel said. " You love him more than you care about wanting to die so you get that chance."

" Ok. I want to live." I told Axel. He watched me. " I better not see you up here from a suicide attempt again" he said. " That sucked having to come here and see this shit!"

He sighed. " You'll be back in 2 seconds" he told me.

-End Of Dream-

I woke up and Sora smiled when he saw me sitting up. Sora hugged me close. " I'm going to go ask the doctor if you can get released, Roxas. Wait here!" I watched him dash off.

" You worried the living shit out of us" Riku told me. " You're lucky to be alive." I nodded my head. Sora came back with a paper. " You need to sign this, Roxas. It just says that you promise not to ever try suicide again." he said. I signed my name on the paper and let Sora take it back to the doctor.

Sora was most likely really happy. When Sora got back a doctor was with him. I was guessing that I would have had a ton of therapy if Sora hadn't had me sign that paper.

" Are you sure that he is ok, Sora?" the doctor asked. " He has me. You're fine if you have me…right, Roxas?" Sora said, looking at me. I nodded my head smiling at them. The doctor left, grumbleing about idiots.

" I'll tell you who's an idiot. Doctors who don't mind their own business. Come on guys. Lets go home. We can eat out on the way back" Riku said.

We headed back home and stopped at a restarant that Sora and Riku liked. I got a meal that seemed ok along with a Pepsi. " You like Pepsi, huh?" Sora said. I nodded my head.

" It tastes sweet, but not too sweet." I told him. " Roxas could you do me a favor?" Sora asked. I shrugged. I was trying to do a lot now and I was now more open with him.

" Could you try not to cut yourself any more." Sora said. " I don't want you hurting so could you do that for me."

" I'll try" I said. This was a new beginning in everything in my life.


End file.
